Music from the Heart: Faithful To The End by Hillsongs
I am often overwhelmed by the goodness and faithfulness of God. When I stop and take account of even some of the countless ways He has proven Himself faithful to me again and again, I cannot help but respond with the tearful silence of a grateful heart that is humbled by His love.
I was in a conversation this week with a co-worker, and I found myself sharing a story from my past with her. It is one of my most precious memories of the darkest, most gut-wrenching time of my life. In the spirit of freedom that comes from genuine forgiveness, I will not share the details here. But the long and short of it is this:
My heart was broken. Everything inside me wanted to run away and hide, but my need to connect with a safe place to heal was more desperate than the intensity of my shame and pain. It was a Sunday morning, and I got in my car, not knowing where to go, but knowing I needed to be in church somewhere. I found myself in front of a church whose pastor I had known since high school and where I had attended several years earlier.
I waited until the service was well underway so I could slip in with as little notice as possible. I did not want to talk to anyone or answer any questions about what was going on in my life that had turned my world upside down. I just wanted to sit and soak in the worship and maybe the message. I literally sat in the last seat of the last row nearest the door and had every intention of making a beeline for the door as soon as the service was over. I told the Lord that if He wanted me to talk with the pastor, then to have him come to me.
As soon as the service was over, the pastor was standing in front of me before I could make my planned exit. He asked me two questions. First, he asked me how I was doing. I lowered my head to hide the tears welling up in my eyes, despite my best effort to keep them at bay. He asked one more question (more direct) and quickly discerned the source of my pain by my wordless response. He then took me in his arms and held me as I cried on his shoulder. “I’m so sorry,” he said.
So here it is, twelve years later, and I still cannot recount this story without tears. But now my tears are not because of the pain in my heart, because that has been healed. The tears that accompany this story now are the natural response of an overwhelmed, formerly broken heart to the sweet grace and limitless love of a personal God who gave me what I needed when I needed it. When I felt like I was literally going under, He threw me a lifeline in the discerning eye and fatherly embrace of a pastor who had recently lost his youngest child (a daughter, age 10) to cancer. That was the moment my healing began.
Over the years I have lost count of the times when I have been able to speak into the hurting hearts of broken women with the compassion and wisdom that only come from having walked the path they now find themselves on. It is the faithfulness of God to be true to His character and His word that carried me through a long and deep healing process. When I felt most alone and my days were the darkest, I kept returning to the knowledge that He loves me and He is faithful. He has proven it to me again and again.
And He will do the same for you.
because of your love and faithfulness.